To All The Agents Out There

To all the agents and the bullshit platform,

Thanks to this economy a writer like me needs to have a platform (large fanbase) in order to get an agent, let alone get published. In a world where everyone with a computer feels as though they can be pulitzer prize winning novelists (with only attending one writing workshop, I actually earned a degree in Creative Writing) and a query wait time of 6 months, it's no wonder I'm going insane with anger and disappointment. I don't have the money or the linguistic talent to garner fans. A part of me doesn't want to. I don't want fans for the sake of getting my work out there. I want my work out there so people can understand and perhaps relate to my point of view. I am a writer, born and raised in hell and I have a lot to say. My stutter, my lovely disorder that is most annoying when looking for employment, hinders and creates barriers where most people don't have any. And I swear, if I see one more agent that requires solicited material only, I will shoot myself with my water gun, right in the mouth. Oh yeah, I still have a water gun; they're friggin awesome. If you didn't know, you need an agent to have solicited material,or at least someone who knows the person you're querying personally. That's fucking retarded. Why on earth would I need to do that if the agent is supposed to be the person who presents the solicited material to the publisher? What the fuck, so I need an agent to get an agent? Let me guess I need to pay an agent, ot even better, suck their big agent cock, well no, no thanks. If I can't raise the revenue to publish my work professionally and I can't get commercially published, then screw it, I'm just going to make my work available regardless. I don't care if no one buys it, (because at the end of the day I have to survive, so no duh I'm charging) I just want it out there.

There was one person who decided to read my nonfiction book, Can your Passions Save You?. He actually liked it and wanted to contact me to let me know. That meant a lot to me. To know someone could read my story and get something out of it was worth more than getting a yes from an agent. Which by the way, I did get a yes for a query, five months later. I didn't even know she had responded. Who does that? Why would someone wait so long to say yes? Then I sent my book proposal, this time for a different book, and I was waiting and decided to email her, letting her know I won't wait 5 more months to get a yes or a no. She emailed me back the next day, and low and behold she said no. I am so sick of the whole spiel too. “Don't give up.” “Writing is subjective”. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Just say no and be done with it. Say the truth, say you didn't read it past the title because you were drinking coffee and got a phone call from one of your clients asking for an extension on whatever. We all know most agents don't read hardly any of the stuff that is sent to them, they only accept people that have networked with them, establish a platform, or paid them. So it's a joke to me when this agent lady sends me a copy and paste sample email saying the same thing she says to everyone. I know she didn't read my work, but she got upset at what I said so she replied quickly. I believe in my work, but I don't have the money or the resources to get it out there. I don't have any help, no fairy god mother or father to wave their magicks over my head into a protective halo or good luck horse shoe, or even better, an ever-expanding safety net. I only have me, myself, and I; A broken and sad person with at least one person who's liked and read my work. At least I can say I tried, and continue to try, just not as enthusiastically. Oh and by the way, the agent had the nerve to plug her stupid blog. Perhaps I should too.

P.S. All you agents out there, keep doing what you're doing, you're obviously not creating classics.

Toodles,

Rosemary Jasmine Rivera