Blank Slate

I don't know about you, but I wish I could get a blank slate. I've messed up so many times. Although I do not regret getting my Bachelor's in English, I do regret taking so long to get it and letting myself become dependent on my dysfunctional family. I lost a lot this year and while my birthday is only 6 days away, it doesn't feel like a birthday. I don't want to celebrate it. I don't even want to make a wish. You know when you were a kid and you thought if you wished hard enough, all your dreams will come true? Well I wished all the time and none of my dreams came true. If by some chance they ever did, it was through blood, sweat, and tears, not some magical fairy with blue wings.

Elmo is puppet-ed by a gay, black man, who although seems nice enough, is not a red, happy alien from outer space. He is just a regular man living his life and apparently getting accused of statutory rape? Ahh Elmo you have fallen down and kept get up eh? I'm sure he could use a blank slate right about now. We all could. America isn't exactly a place of sunshine and happy drops. The only happy drops seem to come from crappy fast food, weed, and $14 movie tickets. sorry guys, the drugs from the move "Looper" aren't out yet. All that's out is my regret and my shame and pretty much all the fun stuff that comes from growing up and realizing the world is a hard and tough place.

Sometimes I wish I could just run. Like Forest Gump I would run day in and day out and just keep running until I don't feel like it anymore. Too bad I have a bum knee. Too bad I have no science or math degree to calculate how far I could run. Too bad I forgot what exactly I was going to write about. I wish I could see you blonde haired boy with a pretty smile. You are my sole reason for existence. Tom, I know how you feel buddy, we are but a wisp of hot air in a sea of glaciers. Air can't move much when it's just a breath.

Why am I so negative? Maybe the blank slate would help. Maybe it'll just delay the inevitable. Maybe I'm just a broken record waiting til someone pulls the plug. I miss you already. I'll miss you forever.