“Can Your Passions Save You? Series 8: You Say What Now?”

I don’t know about you, but I used to not be very assertive. I was the quiet one who kept saying sorry even when someone bumped into me. I was the good girl who always did what she was told and never questioned anything. Now I speak my mind and let it be known how I feel. How do you think I was able to do that?
Life is pretty simple if you think about it. You live in some sort of shelter, you “hunt” for food, you go to the bathroom, find a possible mate, and maybe reproduce. The problem is we, the human race, aren’t simple. We aren’t like tigers who just live by themselves or monkeys who fight for territory. We are domesticated, social beings who have to talk our way into not only getting what we want, but also helping and connecting with others.That’s where the whole being assertive comes into play.
Being assertive means being clear with your intentions, wants, and needs. There’s no round about way when you’re assertive. You say it like it is without putting behind it, any strong emotions. Some people confuse being assertive with being angry or standing up for one’s self. That’s something different. The key to successfully showing what you want is owning up to the responsibility you have of interacting with another person who has the same goal as you of expressing wants and needs and being able to state without being overly emotional or critical, how you’re going to go about doing it. I’ll give you an example.
Lady A goes to Mr. B at a cafe and asks him for some coffee. She explains she find him attractive and wants to talk. Mr. B doesn’t want to, but also doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. He tries to play it nice and just nods. Lady A takes it as a yes and continues to flirt with him. This gets him upset and he forces himself to realize he has to state clearly what he wants from her.
Mr. B explains to her that although she is a nice, young woman, he does not feel the same way and doesn’t want to talk to her anymore. Even if the woman is offended, she sees his face and body language and understands there’s no point in continuing and leaves. Real life isn’t going to be this easy all the time, but you’ll be surprised how easy it is to get what you want when you clearly state it with tact and honesty.
In my book, Can Your Passions Save You?, I show you how you can learn to be assertive by developing a stronger sense of self. How can you tell people what you want, when you don’t know what you want? Your passions are your fingerprint, they’ll guide you to your true desires and in turn help you have a deeper understanding of self. Tell the world what you want, you’ll be surprised with the outcome.

Bless you,
Rosemary Jasmine Rivera

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